Life

The weekend that Kamuela and I graduated from BYUH and celebrated our first anniversary, we flew to New Zealand for his first visit, and my return after about 3 years. And to make it even more special, some of his family came along too. At the end of that trip, while we were at the airport waiting to board the plane, I cried because I didn't want to leave. I was so happy during that visit, that I felt surely heaven and eternity must look a lot like this, with all our loved ones together in one place, and everyone enjoying each other.

This trip is going to be even harder to say goodbye. I felt the pangs today, and we still have 9 days left! We were doing our shopping for Christmas dinner, and I remember standing in the supermarket, looking around, and thinking, I love my country. I love the people (mostly), I love the food, I love our mannerisms, our culture, and our general way of life. I feel like I belong here, and not an outsider trying to fit in. It's so familiar and comfortable, like wearing a favourite piece of clothing. 

Now, I'm not saying we need to move to NZ because everything will be perfect. I'm practical. Old habits start to get irritating, and some things are so much more expensive. However, medical care, housing and education are pretty awesome here. My son has flourished so much in the short time since we arrived. I've missed relatives and friends, and I was particularly shocked to see how much my grandmother has aged since the last time I saw her. I don't know how I will cope when my loved ones start to pass away and I'm 2 million miles across the sea and don't get to say goodbye. All the time I've missed by being away is adding up and the chance to absorb their 'Ha' (I really can't think of a better word to describe it) is dimming.

Despite this battle going on inside, today has been another great day in our holiday. I have never used this word to describe a moment in my life before, but tonight is idyllic. At around 10:30pm, I'm lying with baby, putting him to sleep, and despite the late hour our curtains and windows are wide open. It's a beautiful summer night with a full moon and a few clouds in the sky. The shadows of the trees frame our window. For a moment I feel like we're in some village in Italy, rather than normal old Hamilton, NZ! Even the regular old dresser and mirror seem lovely. If I look outside I can see Kamuela and my brothers working on their cars. It makes me smile to hear them together! I completely love this moment and want to capture it forever. 

Ah, life, you friend and foe, so lovely yet so rough!