My son turns 4

Dear Ka'ihi

Tonight is the last night that you will be 3. Tomorrow you will officially be a big boy, half way on your journey to baptism. I am so happy and excited for you, and scared and sad for me. You've heard me joke and tell you to stop growing up, that I want you to be my baby forever. I wish I could freeze time and enjoy you now, forever! You have brought us so much joy since you came to our family. I had never loved anyone as fiercely as I love you. For the first time I had someone who depended on ME for everything. MY responsibility, to be entrusted with a special son of God to care for, nourish, teach, protect and love to the best of my ability. Heavenly Father blessed us beyond anything I could have imagined. He knew exactly who to send, whose sweet spirit would touch my heart in a way I never thought possible. You are my first miracle!

I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made so far. I'm sorry for the times I've broken your trust. I'm sorry if I've scared you at times. I'm sorry if I've made you feel that you have been the cause of my frustration, irritation and anger. Please remember, no matter what you do, I will ALWAYS love you. A person is only responsible for their OWN feelings and actions, no one else's. Even if you've made a mistake, it is not your fault for the way I have reacted. Feelings of anger and frustration are my own choices, usually out of fear or self-centered ness. I'm sorry I have failed you many many times. If I've been irritated at times, just know that most nights, when you were sleeping so peacefully, I would look at your sweet face and try to etch it in my mind, so I won't ever forget each and every moment I have with you. I would whisper I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I would pray to Heavenly Father for forgiveness and guidance and to be reminded not to take a single moment for granted. Then I would kiss your cheek and watch the smile spread across your face and see the little baby still there so pure and perfect.

My friend reminded me that before the age of 8, you are still perfect in God's eyes! If He thinks you are, then I don't need to try to make you perfect before then. I need to stop correcting and do more conversing. Stop ordering and do more observing. Stop criticizing and do more celebrating. Stop lecturing and do more listening. I promise to do so.

You are a wonderful big brother, and Keahu adores you so! Thank you for being patient, protective, loving and kind. Thank you for teaching him about our family, Jesus, and the everyday things we do. Thank you for helping Mummy so much! You are so mature and responsible. So smart and thoughtful. So bright and full of life! And my most favourite quality-you love The Lord! You always remind us to pray and read our scriptures, have family home evening and that everything we have comes from Heavenly Father. I pray you will continue to foster this relationship throughout your life, as this is the most important thing you can have.

I love you my baby/big boy! I hope you have a wonderful birthday and know how loved you are. I hope you will be confident, happy, peaceful, humble, obedient to The Lord, hardworking, smart, successful, loving and kind. I pray The Lord will continue to watch over you, guide you, bless you, protect you, and grant you a long, happy life on this earth and though the eternities. You continue to amaze me, and I am always learning from you.

I love you my darling

Mummy.