A Whole Year Already?

Ka'ihi will be turning 1 in less than two weeks! I cannot believe it. It's funny how it only seems like yesterday that he was born, but when I remember back to this time last year, and getting all the baby stuff ready, and lugging around my huge 40 week pregnant belly, that it feels like a lifetime has passed! I guess in a way it has. I am a completely different person than I was December 12, 2009.  I'm a mother!

I have to say, I absolutely LOVED being pregnant. I know there are women out there who will want to kill me, but I did. I felt so special, and I guess it showed, because I've never had so many strangers give me compliments before, when I've just been walking down the street, or shopping at Walmart, weighing more than I ever did in my entire life! And they were nice compliments, the kind that are mature and sincere, where a man could say something nice and his wife wouldn't fly into a jealous rage, but nod her head in agreement. Like "You're glowing, you look so happy!" and "being pregnant makes you beautiful". 

Anyway, despite being new to parenting, we were ready for the changes we knew would come. I never expected it to be easy, I'm very much a realist. But the best surprise - I never knew I could fall in love all over again, or that I had so much room for this little baby in my heart! I was reading Eat, Pray, Love a couple days ago and this completely describes the way I feel:

"I feel... the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless newborn baby - I just don't care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it's mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to - I just don't care."

And barf he has. And pooped. And smiled, and hugged, and kissed and made our world so much brighter because he's in it. And we have never been so tired before! But we are definitely better people. I think I've become more patient. I've surprised myself by how patient I can be. By no means has it been easy, nor have we done it alone. The Lord really does strengthen you, and as impossible as it is to believe, He loves Ka'ihi more than I do. He knows what's best for him, so I just have to ask, and follow.

SO. This time last year, I'd had 3 baby showers (for which I will always be so grateful), gained 40 pounds, slept till 10am most days, had to sleep only on my left side (any other position resulted in a little fetus' kicks to my ribs), never felt so out of control of my body (including a LOT of lovely side effects everyone had neglected to tell me about), and just finished putting up my christmas decorations, including lights which would stay hanging until about Easter, because they make everything magical.

When we finally got him home, it was such a sacred, special experience. We literally spoke in hushed voices for the first month, and felt like we should tiptoe around. It was the most special experience of my life, because we had helped create this child and he belonged to us, and he was straight from heaven. 

Now, we're lucky if we get to bed before 11pm. We have never been so conscious of finances, insurance, or safety. I weigh less than I ever have in my adult life (credit: breastfeeding, chasing a baby, eating better). I'm a little more social now, and open to having conversations with others, stranger or not. I am completely protective of my child (think lioness standing over her cub) and although I understand he has to explore and possibly make mistakes, it is ultimately my responsibility to ensure his wellbeing and I intend to do the very best I can.